It’s safe to say I never imagined I’d be adding ‘food writer’ to my resume. But all it took was one fortuitous email to set matters on a decidedly delicious course.
To explain, my good friend, the super talented food writer, Emma Miller, was working at Fairfax HQ. The year was 2002 and I was working at Spinach Advertising.
As is the way with creative agencies, Emma knew that we worked with Macs. And as Fairfax was road-testing their newly minted ‘Mac friendly’ reviewer template forms, Emma emailed one over to see if I could have a crack at filling it in.
Ever the rabble-rouser, I added my own signature touch, writing a faux review for a fabricated venue that I dubbed, Mario’s Mongolian Ristorante. The review read as follows,
“This really is food from the armpits of the gods. From the minute the morsels arrive to the moment the ambulance removes the diner, the experience is restaurant theatre at its absolute best. The rancid produce is balanced by one of the most extensive wine lists in the CBD, featuring wines that have been deleted from most restaurants in the region. This is a restaurant experience to reserve for your most loathsome enemy when you just want to say ‘Fuck You’ in the most explicit of terms.”
While I wrote the review solely for Emma’s amusement, my review did the rounds, eliciting much hilarity in the dining department.
To my jaw-dropping shock, on the basis of this missive, I was subsequently invited to write for Cheap Eats. As I’d never written in a formal capacity before, I was utterly self conscious. But the promise of a free feed was temptation enough such that I couldn’t let my complete inexperience as a writer get in the way of my rightful destiny.
And things went well. Very well. So well, that I was subsequently invited to write for ‘The Age Good Food Guide’ too. “Oh frabjous joy”. Not just free feeds. Free, fancy feeds too!
And so for nigh on ten glorious years, I ate like a pig in shit. And what’s more, got to tell the world all about it.
Included here, are a few of my choicest cuts.